In Defense of Denise Richards

I watched less then 5 minutes of Denise Richard's new E! reality show this weekend and it has me thinking - Denise Richards has been lambasted by the media for supposedly commenting that she is doing a reality show because she needs 'money'. Pundits have rightly pointed out that Ms. Richards has millions and doesn't need to do 'anything' for the money.

What if Denise Richard's is doing her E! show because she feels the need to work? Yes, she may have a large amount of money now, but fortunes change. To her credit, Starship Troopers was a minor cult hit and Drop Dead Gorgeous was one of the funniest movies of the 1990s; and she was a Bond girl. Perhaps, she merely has a work ethic and thinks that this is the best opportunity available to her. How many men with generous bank accounts would be told to stop working in their 30s because they have enough money to be taken care of? Maybe she simply has no intention of leaving the work force.

Lulu + Johnny

Update - for those of you not living in soap opera world this is a big week - my couple, Johny and Lulu, is finally getting it on. Hooray!

Personally, I think that people who love each other should make out as much as possible; but that's just me.



In chick news, I totally have a crush on Keira Knightely. I thought she was pretty hot in Domino, and I liked her in Bend it Like Beckham and Pirates (to be fair, I was pretty much focused on Orlando Bloom) - but King Arthur has totally won me over. I'm going to watch Pride and Prejudice and Silk and get back to you. Go team Knightely.

Three Day Movie Extravaganza

Saturday AM - Sunday AM: The Lost Room. Peter Krause struggles to save his daughter from a freaky parallel universe, magical objects and the horror of metaphysics. Really good actually. Yeah Sci-Fi Channel.

Saturday: Indiana Jones - action, adventure, treasure. Treasure!

Sunday AM: King Arthur. So good! Basically asks you to imagine that Guinevere was not a whore. She did not get it on with Lancelot. She was actually Merlin's daughter and a hottie warrior. Guinevere loved Arthur and Arthur loved Guinevere. G + A 4 Ever. ahhh.

Sunday: Speed Hand Kumar (aka Harold and Kumar). Obviously, this should have been the movie title. Here's the deal - ladies, if you're looking to score some points you should suggest going to see Speed Hand. Pretty funny with lots of cultivation, weed and vagina humor - wear a nice bra in case you get too bored.

Monday: Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Dreamy Italian teen and confident English moppets save a magical kingdom from terror and demise. Sequels to follow.

Puh-lease

So, I am a self proclaimed naughty librarian. I would even go so far as to say that my husband thinks I'm a sexy librarian. But I would never, never attempt to shelve books in 4 inch heels. Come the fuck on - we librarians are known for many things, and sensible footwear and cardigans are definitely at the the top of that list.

Read at your own peril.


(www.candacehavens.com)

Here's the tag line - "librarian who sees dead people" - uh huh, not yet sold on how craptastic this book will be? Allow me to continue, "Kira Smythe never thought she'd end up back in her hometown of Sweet, Texas. But now that her high-powered job, along with her five-year plan, have gone right out the window, she's back where she started, staying with her hippie, tofu-obsessed parents-except that somehow she's inherited the local library." - question, how exactly do you inherit a public institution? and BTW librarians are professionals with graduate degrees, it's not some crap job you take because your five year plan falls through, but I digress ...

I tried reading Candace Haven's earlier book Charmed and Dangerous - and frankly, it's about the worst piece of crap ever. I was stuck with this book on my lunch hour and it was so bad, that I opted to stare at the wall instead of keep reading. And Candace, listing that you are a former entertainment columnist is not the best way to win me over - I am so not impressed.

Cirque Du Freak

How did I miss this?



The movie version of Cirque Du Freak is coming out this year and the cast is amazing. Salma Hayek and John C. Reilley!

I love these books, they're short and devilish and totally tween scary.

Best Album Cover Ever

This makes me extremely happy.



Now if we could only see a pic of ManOwar in a TugOwar. What can I say, I dream big.

Vampires

I can't help myself. I have finally been hit by Twilight fever. Damn this looks good.

In other vamp news, I'm slowly working my way through Colleen Gleason's Gardella Vampire Chronicles. Fun, historical, cheeky and a little less naughty then I'd like - hottie Jane Austen-esque bad ass female vampire hunter included. I love them so much that I'm even dreaming about them. Last night I hunted demons and chopped off their heads with my super sweet samurai sword. Oh yeah, I kicked ass.


www.colleengleason.com

You Look Old

Charla Krupp released her book How Not to Look Old in January, 2008. I remember seeing her on all of the big news shows and being rather ambivalent about the book. As a 28 year old who worries about wrinkles, I thought it best not to judge this seemingly helpful book and let it slip from my mind. But last night at Barnes and Nobles, I picked up this New York Times Best Seller and was totally annoyed.

Dear Ms. Krupp,

You look old. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but the youngest that you look in your cover photo is 48. Don't worry, I'm sure you're not a day over 55. You're trying way too hard.

I feel for your readers and their desire to look young, so I thought that I would save them $26 and summarize the tips that you and a million other fashion experts continue to extol.

1. If you are 24 or older, stop shopping in the juniors section.
2. Buy plain, well fitted dark wash jeans.
3. Update your make-up every year or so - if you're rockin the same look as your high school daughter, you're in trouble.
4. Wear mosturizer, take a vitamin and drink water.
5. Ms. Krupp would like you all to wear high heels, personally I think they suck but whatever, lots of women feel sexy in them - I think cute and comfy shoes like Clark Priva's are just as sexy.
6. Don't wear tea or ankle length skirts.
7. Update you hair-do and jewelery. If your look is more then 5 years old, it's probably too old.
8. Wear Spanx.
9. Buy some cute, funky glasses.

Everybody got it? Great, now you can take that $26 and buy some steamy romances, which I GUARANTEE will make you feel sexier then this book.

P.S. There is nothing wrong with being old. There is nothing sexier then a mature, confident and vibrant older woman. Need proof? Check out uber-hottie Helen Mirren.



Damn she's hot!

Children's News

According to the Huffington Post $10,000 birthday parties are the newest child craze.

Seriously. Perhaps I should not judge because I do not have children, and therefore, don't feel the pressure to please. Regardless, I am insanely bothered by this trend. As we slip further into a recession (California Costcos are rationing rice) - $10,000 birthday parties seem not only ridiculous but simply wrong. Think of all the amazing things that you could do with that amount of money - college, charity, dental work, therapy. My Best. Birthday Party. Ever included a homemade chocolate cake, slip & slide and pizza. Something tells me that your precious little angels would prefer slip & slides over fondue.

In other children's news, looks like Barbie may be on her last leg. Ten years ago this news would have pleased me to no end. Yes, I am one of those feminist who is bothered by Barbie, but Barbie is not being passed over as a result of consciousness raising - she's being ditched for newer and sexier Bratz dolls. At least Barbie has careers. Sexy dolls for 4 year olds fucking suck.

Librarian Superhero

It's finally happened. I am officially the biggest geek you know. Last night I actually dreamt that I was a librarian superhero.

No, I didn't teach people to read or comfort the homeless. I didn't rule the world with my knowledge of the Dewey Decimal system or track down missing fines in the blink of the eye. I lured demons and vampires into the library and beat them into submission with telekinetic book throwing. And I had a kitten assistant who, for some unknown reason, needed to have both her ears covered every time I chucked a book. Not a very helpful assistant given that book chucking seemed to be my only power.

Now, if only I could remember what I was wearing. I'm going to imagine that it was some sort of unitard - cardie - cape combo.

Show Me Your Tats

Happy Spring! Love is definitely in the air this year - which has me thinking, this summer will be our 9th anniversary. As in, we have talked to or seen each other every day for the past nine years. Yeah! It's also our 4th wedding anniversary, and I was thinking it would be cool to do something special for our 10th. So, here are my questions:

1. What color tattoo ink looks good on pale skin? I was thinking navy.

2. Would it be better to get a tattoo on the inner bottom part of your wrist or your inner forearm?

3. Is getting a tattoo of my husband's initials on my arm totally yukky in a Pam and Tommy Lee way? Or only a little yukky but still endearing - i.e. Posh and Becks (db) (jp) (10)!

4. Exactly how much does it hurt - yes, I hate pain. Pain sucks.

5. Do we add (or subtract) douchebag points for font? Obviously, I wouldn't choose helvetica.

Sweet Valley 2.0

Random House is re-releasing Francine Pascal's Sweet Valley High series. Which has me thinking - that there may be some truth to those Sweet Valley Heights rumors. The new Sweet Valley High covers are pretty cute, in an OC, Gossip Girls cutesy way.

If you're craving some Sweet Valley love (chick lit style) check out Sophia Kinsella's Can You Keep a Secret or Undomestic Goddess.

News Briefs

Jenna Jameson has a new romance fiction line. I'm assuming that it's erotica, but I could be wrong.

A teenage cheerleader in Palm Beach, Florida has died from complications related to her breast implants.

You can now play Miss Bimbo dress up dolls at MissBimbo.com. It's like Stardolls, but more offensive. You can buy boob jobs. Why wouldn't you just make your virtual boobs as big as you want?

Millions of people freaked out yesterday when the Netflix server crashed. Netflix had everything back up and running within 24 hours. Movies were delayed one day, get over it.

Why Mariah Carey is a Genius

Imagine that you are a 35 year old female singer (because mathematically that is what you are). Then imagine that you are hot and want to make a video where you wear a sexy school girl outfit, knee high socks and a glitter mini-dress. The only way to really do this and not look stupid is to make the scene plausible in some way. So you hire the adorable-ish but ultimately ugly geek from 30 rock, and you make the video your geek tech boy clerk's fantasy daydream. You get to wear all of your ridiculous outfits and not look gross - and that's the genius of Mariah Carey.

In women's magazine news, according to Redbook, married couples who have trouble communicating have trouble having satisfying sex. This is bad. Apparently some couples had more sex when they did such helpful things as talk to each other, know where each other was and what they were interested in. Also, best not to get fat and/or gross. Thanks for the fucking update.

And in other news - all cabinet colors now have food names. Would you like: toffee, mocha creme or toasted marshmallow?

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Happy birthday Mr. Rogers! Organizers in Philadelphia have declared today Sweater Day.



Speaking of clothes, apparently I'm on the bad feminist list again. Feministing and others have come out against Spanx. They argue that these seemingly innocuous products perpetuate female stereotypes and force women in to trying to achieve the perfect body (via spandex). Here's my two cents - I love and wear spanx bras and camis every day. I do not wear them because I think that I am fat or gross or to mold myself into an idealized female form. I wear them because I have constant back and bra pain - and spanx makes that pain go away. So basically, I disagree.

And in incest news - hubby and I recently watched The Other Boleyn Girl. Which I loved, more for the costumes and scenery then the plot - but that is beside the point. As the movie comes to a close, Anne, who has recently miscarried the King's baby, begs her brother to sleep with and hopefully impregnate her (which could ultimately save her life). As the scene played out, there were audible gasps of disgust from the audience. I didn't think much about it - other then the obligatory yuk of course - until this weekend when we watched an episode of Picket Fences. As the episode drew to a close, we discovered a prominent business man in bed with two hookers - who just happen to be sisters. While the townspeople are disgusted that the women are prostitutes, no one mentions incest. This leads me to the question of the day:

Why is some dude paying to diddle two sisters less offensive and disgusting then a brother sleeping with/and or impregnating his sister to save her life?



And because it's hot is not a valid answer. They're hot is also unacceptable.